My parents used to think it was funny to tell me that I wasn't their biological child and they found me in the trash can that my real parents dumped me in. True story. One time they bought got a dog without telling me. It was supposed to be a surprise, except they didn't hide the fact that they were shopping for dog food. Instead of telling me they'd gotten a dog they told me that they couldn't afford to buy human food anymore. We'd have to start eating dog food. Another true story. And that's my excuse for being me.